Entry 52315- Raw 

  

We don’t always show the raw ingredients of our present emotions.

Some need time to cook

To be tried and tested before any talk of change.

Not all of us are simply a list of needs and wishes, 

a recipe, 

like you, with 1, 2, 3, 4 steps 

to the plate.

I envy your readiness,

your utter consumability. 

I do not question your nutritious value. Your contents are clear. 

You want to be involved, to be used, to see the inside of desire 

and wonder at it.

I could make you from scratch with your notations. I could have you again and again, 

be you

if I wanted. 

But I have never followed a recipe. 

I have never followed a thing but my own flesh and blood feet, heel down and eyes searching. 

How could you expect a woman like me to rest for a meal that was made to be repeated?

How could I keep the secret?

I wanted a second helping. 

For fear! I could disappear without a trace over urges like that. 

I am a memorized dish, never written or measured, 

whose main ingredient is time

that which expands up

and out from the earth, 

but does not grow on vine or stalk. 

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